literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize