Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
