But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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