Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just want to make out with him forever
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
