I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
