I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
