You're completely useless in the revolution.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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