I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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