i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
