butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
