I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
