I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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