you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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