I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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