My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
