if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
