he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
