What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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