ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
