I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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