like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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