You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dignity is for republicans.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
