It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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