I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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