I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
