I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
