I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
