Walk of Shame. In a state park.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
