shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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