you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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