i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
