guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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