omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize