yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
