He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
