actually, I'm a sock model
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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