Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
