Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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