i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
