Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
