And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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