it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
