Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
