Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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