should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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