Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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