You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize