READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
