sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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