Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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