she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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