guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
