she smelled like a LAN party
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
