I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize