god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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