I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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