If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
