i barfeds in our rink
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
