eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
